The man who sacrified life for love
by totallyobssesed
Summary: when you lose all you had and sacrifice what's left. Severus Snape's life and loneliness. 6th and last chapter up. r
1. Silent tears

A\N: About how severus deals with loneliness.

first fanfic- please be nice! gentle constructive criticism will be appreciated.

Disclaimer: I wish...

No one ever saw him cry.  
He wasn't that kind of person.  
No one ever saw how much he cried inside  
Silent tears. Painful tears.

How every insult, every hateful look, made his heart tremble.  
How every silent tear he cried touched his heart, hardened, and became stone.  
How his heart is covered with tears,  
layer after layer of stone.  
Everyone think that his heart is stone.  
But it isn't true.  
Underneath the stone there is a pure heart. A heart that beats  
fast as his black eyes meet the innocent green ones he loved,  
another silent tear hardening the pure heart."


	2. A new beginning

A new beginning

He took a deep breath.  
A new year was approaching. New students. New first years. And not just any  
first years.  
There was one, that made his stomach twist.  
Harry Potter.  
He was going to see Harry Potter for the first time in his life.  
He feared the meeting. Feared the child.  
Harry Potter.  
The boy who lived.  
The boy who lived because his love died. The reason for everything.  
Lily's son.  
Potter's son. He shuddered at the thought.  
The one who was supposed to be **HIS** son.  
The boy who lived because of death, because of broken hearts and broken  
promises, empty words.  
He sighed and opened the door, leaving the hot room behind him out to the  
angrily growling storm.


	3. hopes and explosion

Thank you all for reading! Please, PLEASE review!!!

-

He looked into the green eyes of the boy he loved- modest, likable, fairly  
talented.  
He is like the son he never had.  
Maybe they could get closer; maybe they could really be like father and son.

Maybe...

Harry rumpled his hair.  
Exactly the way his father used to.

He smashed all Severus's hopes.  
No. They can't become closer. He's too much of a Potter.  
'Oops!' Snape smiled, hating himself as he exploded the glass bottle, perfect  
potion spilling as the glass smashed into the counter. 'I guess it's another  
zero...'


	4. Avada Kadavara

_**'Why am I the one hated?**_

_The sorting hat shouting 'Slytherin'._

_Luscious Malfoy sniggering,_

_Snape storming out the dungeons door his robes swishing around him dramatically._

_Harry standing between snape and black_

_Llily turning her back on snape_

_Snape's father hitting his mother_

_Harry looking at Snape after being sorted to Gryffindor_

_Snape shouting 'Mudblood'  
_

_**'Why must I suffer?'  
**__Snape sobbing, Dumbledore leaning over him._

_Snape, in the playground where he first saw Lily, sitting on the swing holding a flower crying._

_Snape, tearing the picture with James and Lily laughing._

_Harry and Ginny kissing, looking exactly like James and Lily._

_Lily in a wedding dress._

_**'Why must I be the good one?**_

_Narcissa looking up at snape admiringly, tears in her eyes_

_The half blood prince written on a potions book,_

_Snape muttering, Harry falling off the broom reflected in his eyes._

_Snape standing in the dungeons adding ingredients into the bubbling golden potion._

_A tongue of flame shooting at Bellatrix's wand bonding Snape in the unbreakable vow._

_**'Why must I sacrifice?'**_

_Voldemort raising his wand 'Crucio!'_

_Snape standing before Dumbledore, furiously asking 'And __my__ soul?'_

_The silver doe._

_Green eyes glittering with tears…_

"Severus… please…"

**"Avada Kadavara!"**

Green light

He ran out, his tears invisible in the rain, as he heard a familiar voice shouted-

**"Sectumsempra!"**


	5. Snow

Gone. She's gone. Forever. Everything's gone. He should be gone, too.

He's not gone.

His trust is gone, his happiness is gone, his hopes are gone,

The sun has just gone behind the trees.

There was no moon that night. White clouds covered the sky. Even the animals hid in their caves from the biting cold.

He was shocked. He was lost. He didn't know what to do or think.

He sat down on the muddy ground.

He knew he would get dirty.

He knew his robes would get ruined.

He knew he would get sick.

He knew he would be angry at himself.

It didn't matter.

He was already so dirty and ruined from inside he the outside didn't matter.

He could never get dirty or ruined enough.

He hoped he would get sick.

Maybe he was already sick.

He was so cold and he was shivering.

Maybe it didn't have anything with sickness.

Maybe it was the anger.

Tears started dripping from his eyes.

Slowly at the beginning,

And then faster and faster spilling thoughts and feelings, broken hearts and loves, tear after tear. He shrieked with pain. Let the frustration and tears out.

He sat there, screaming his pain, and crying his guilt and sadness, all alone in the empty forest where no one could hear, spilling his heart out with tears until he felt empty.

There were no more tears left. No more thoughts. No emotions.

And then came the snow.

He closed his eyes and let it wash over him.

He was so tired, so washed out.

More and more snow falls past him.

Soft, cold, clean, fresh. Not stopping, just falling. Without thinking or feeling, with no need to do anything-it just falls and is worriless, thoughtless, passive, and perfect. Just fall, covering everything muddy with a new white clean layer.

Suddenly the clouds drew back leaving behind a pink and orange sky. He saw the sun come out from behind the hills lightening everything and making everything clearer.Everything looked so diffrent with a flash of light. The world was covered and looked so silently beautiful.

And as the sun rose, he knew that everything would be different, he knew it wasn't going to be easy, but also knew that he was strong enough to deal with it. he knew he had to do it and he knew it was the right thing to do. He felt reborned. like the phoenix coming out from the lashes after death and fire. A new chapter was begining in his unwroten story. A new page, white and clean as snow waiting for him to be written on. He wasn't tired anymore.

He started walking towards Hogwarts.

His back, on the sun. Rising on his new life.


	6. The End

He walked along the empty street fighting the wind, heavy drops of rain hitting him, but he didn't care. He saw them all, warm in their houses, reading or talking and laughing but he still continued alone shutting his ears from the sound of laugh, blocking his eyes from the sight of a happy family, he just continued walking, quickly, roughly.

He bypassed the church and opened the creaking gate.

He looked around, searching. Something caught his eye. His face lightened.

He walked slowly, as if he was afraid to burst.

He walked like a broom down the aisle.

He knelt down by the grave, relieving the writing on the head stone.

"Lily" he whispered "_**my **_Lily-…" he bent his head down, blushing.

"I love you" he said so quietly only he could hear. Suddenly he gathered courage "Yes! I love you, Lily-" he now didn't whisper, he spoke out loud, as if she was listening earnestly. "I love you so much, it hurts! I want you so much it burns!" he almost shouted. He was desperate "I know you'll never be mine, but I'm yours! Forever! I'll always be yours!" tears dripped off his long nose but he didn't care. For the first time in his life, he cried with no shame. He cried openly, spilling out his heart and feelings, collapsing, relaxing. Letting all the layers fall apart, dropping to the damp land. His heart was now clean, relieved.He stood up and said "It's all for you, Lily. It's all for you. All those years. when I close my eyes I see you. When I smile I think about your smile, how beautiful you look when you smile, the difference it makes in your face. Every breath I take is only for you! Every step that I take is only because of you!" his face was alight his cheeks red, stroked with tears.

"Lily," a shiver ran up his spine as he said her name "I'm getting close to the end. My mission is almost over. Your son…" he sighed "Harry. I am going to see him again. For the last time. After all I had gone through for him, it's hard to think about not seeing him never again. And after that- my mission is over. I shall die. I am not afraid of death. My time has come. I only wish I could help him. I hope he will have the courage, the power, to succeed. To win. To win for you. To win for me. To win for the whole world, raising their eyes to him. To win for the ones who survived and for the ones who didn't. for the ones who scarified and for the ones who gave from themselves to others. For the loving and for the loved. And for himself. He smiled to himself. And raised a wand summoning a glass of wine, he raised the glass and said " for my last glass of wine, for you, and- " his eyes twinkled like two stars. From excitement, or maybe from tears" and for Harry Potter. The boy who lived".


End file.
